Bad day

So, today's events were a little out of hand, and to cope, i'm staying at home with a glass of wine and a movie marathon.....so far it's been Ratatouille switching to Pinocchio during commercial breaks, followed by Charlie and the Chocolate factory. I'm just waiting for his mom to sing "Cheer up Charlie" before i'm sure i'll feel better. Charlie is also the name of our cat, so maybe I should go grab him for complete movie enjoyment.

As i've been watching this childhood favorite, I've noticed a few inconsistencies and inane statements. Sure, it's based on a book by Roald Dahl, so who am I to claim that the movie is over fantasized? I'm not about to criticize one of my favorite childrens' book authors. I hold him on a tier parallel to Dr. Seuss and that's a pretty high tier.

So far, here are my observations:

In the beginning, when charlie is staring at the Wonka factory longingly after his long 15 second interlude of a paperboy shift, the tinker suddenly appears behind him. Silently as if he'd been there all along. With a cart that is filled with sharp objects and butcher knives that SWING BACK AND FORTH WHEN THE CART IS MOVED......how does this guy still have his nose in place with that rolling guillotine? Also, that cart makes more noise than a crowd of high schoolers during a pep rally.
Another thing that bugs me is when Grampa Joe finally gets out of bed, he stands and says "i haven't done this for 20 years!" the man doesn't look a day over 70. Do you mean to tell me he got in bed at the age of 50 with the intent of having his already dirt poor daughter and son-in-law provide for him and his wife with the oddly misplaced accent? at 50? also, i feel like i'm going to develop bed sores when i stay in bed longer than 9 hours, let alone 20 years.
There was something that bothered me about all of the adults in Charlies neighborhood that weren't Mr. joepeck(?) or his grandparents/mom. Tonight, it hit me. they're all british? Where does charlie live anyways? I'm pretty sure it's the states, but it could just as easily be somewhere in the UK.....but what lower class dirt poor family makes the trek BACK to england to live really crappily? So i'm guessing it's in the U.S. but really? Bill who owns the candy shop, and charlies science teacher? I don't understand this. Were the Brits really upset that the U.S. was making a movie out of a renowned British author and demanded to be given minor roles in the beginning of the film? What a battle. Since when are the british french? is this their subtle way of getting back at us for that tea party? Alright, enough about brits, i really do love the english, i just feel like ranting.

11:22 We're in the candy room. you know, central park if it were made entirely out of sweets. I've always thoroughly enjoyed this part in the movie. This point, along with the beginning scenes showing all the insane people and their crazy notions to find the golden tickets are my favorite parts of the movie. Anyways, i don't know why, but i get a real kick out of watching gene wilder take a bite out of that tulip/cup.....and i always wonder what flavor it is....i imagine by it's color, it's a waxy tasting lemon flavor......like a lemon head and wax lips got together in flower/teacup form. sweet! augustus is in the river and it's time to board the wonkatania. acid trip here we come!

11:39 Okay, so after the commercial, we've come back to the invention room, and I just need to talk about the everlasting gobstopper: when I was little, I loved how that machine thing worked. the springs, the whistles, the bells, the beeps, everything. it was so cool. so cool, in fact, that when i was a kid, i dragged a bench from the outside into the house while this movie was on, put a blanket over my head and a broom, and pushed the broom back and forth whiletossing stuffed animals out of the machine....i didn't have any gobstoppers. oh wait, we're getting to violet's great gum mistake....

11:44 ha! her dad is so forceful "violet don't do anything stupid" what a parent. I also like that you can see the blue lamp shining in her hair..... "Violet, you're turning violet, violet!" this movie is so quotable....and another oompa loompa musical break comes into play.

lifegoal: i want a snozzberry

11:53 the fizzy lifting drinks scene. whenever i'm in a pool, and i do a flip underwater, I always think of grampa joe and charlie doing flips in the room...
Also, I'm glad that the big suspense scene is charlie and grampa joe burping their way to safety. Tim Burton really missed out on some big opportunities by discluding that in his version.

11:58 Those geese are enormous......and another good line "Who says i can't have one?!" (under the breath) "the man with the funny hat". it's so subtle, but so good. On another, unrelated note: I love that the oompa loompa dance scenes are just as complicatedly choreographed as a high school musical. (and don't even get me started on that ridiculous piece of crap that they call theatre).

ugh. these commercials don't appeal to my demographic....whatever that demographic may be. why is it all women watching the stain tests for clorox? i've seen plenty of men do laundry, in fact i think my stepdad can battle a stain far more effectively than my mom can.

12:06 Hahaha, mike teevee's mom asks for a rest. what a whimp! hsaw aknow, awaits!

12:11 Even better: When mike shrinks, Mrs. Teevee puts him in her purse gently, and Mr. Wonka swings the purse back and forth like the pirate ship swing at the county fair.

12:17 So we reach the end of the film. I've always loved Mr. Wonka's office. the Half office.....half wall paper strips, half clock, half paintings, calendars, desk, lamp, coffee mug, telephone. neat.

12:20 Charlie wins! glass elevator and the view of whatever flat city it is that they live in... I'm sad they didn't include other rooms of the factory to be toured by elevator.
Oh grampa joe, don't worry, it's sugar glass.

yes, this is how i spend my saturday night. Watching Willy Wonka by myself and blogging about it. Life for me is suspenseful, I know. Night all! and we'll see you back next time for another episode of monoblogging!